Journal Entry from 9/16/2009

So Monday, I was so excited to hear that Ethan didn't have the suspected micro penis that I really did fully fail to grasp the seriousness of the situation at hand and the new information we were presented with.Ethan for starters has congenital burried penis, not the buried penis that most boys get when they are over circ'd or when they are just 'fat down south'. His is a birth defect. The type of buried penis he has is called 'trapped or inconspicous penis'.

There are several types of this condition. Ethan's is due to his foreskin being too short to let his penis fully extend. The top part of his penis has enough foreskin.Picture the scrotum to the head of the penis. the skin that runs from scrotal area to penis tip is VERY short, and insufficient, therefor it traps his penis length INSIDE his pubic fat area. The doctor told us that even at birth he stillw ould not have been able to be circ'd due to the fact that he he will need surgery to correct it. So this is the doctors plan:He will need to do a quarter circ (b/c his foreskin is not long at all just enough to cover the head). He will then need to take the skin FROM the foreskin that is cut and use it to cover the shaft of his penis on the bottom portion (where it never fully developed).

I know it's hard to picture what I am saying and I WISH I could take a photo, but I do think that if I did that I could get in trouble (it may border on child porn, even though it's for medical purposes i feel)..I don't want to take my chances with that.So the incision will be from penis tip, down to scrotal area vertically then another incision will be made from the base of the penis (scrotal area) horizontally. They will open that up to release the penis, and then use the skin they have cut to reconstruct the skin on his shaft. (does this make sense?) I am trying to explain it to the best of my ability.

The doctor says the whole procedure will take a little over an hour.I am soooo soooo sooo nervous knowing it is more than a routine circumcision and it is actually 'plastic surgery in a sense' freaks me out. if it were up to me i'd be ignorant and let it be, but the doctor says it is now medically necessary bc if we do nothing about it the way the foreskin/under side skin of his shaft is so short it will just get worse as his penis grows and he ages it will curve down causing him pain, it will trap urine that will make the foreskin balloon out and cause uti's and other infections b/c he will not properly be able to void.In another sense I am kind of glad i DO NOT Have to make the decision at all. I personally was NEVER wanting to make the circumcison decision at all, lol pick on me if youw ill but i am a sucker for feeling bad for my son lol, i know aesthetically speaking some ppl think it's more ''appealing'' but personally i never could decide eitehr way to go for it or not, i let doug decide and he was all for it. so now that it NEEDS to be done i'm glad it wasn't my choice (stupid, i know). So now here I am trying to research all the info on this new surgery I can, b/c I am nervous about it, I am nervous about anesthesia on him, I am nervous that GOD FORBID it goes wrong and they mess his penis up I will just feel horrible. I am also hoping he has enough skin to cover the shaft when they release it from surgery.

The urologist assured me he's seen worse cases of this birth defect and that he's never had 'too little' skin to use. It still makes me nervous (and he is my son so i am entitled to feel nervous and or be a drama queen about it).I also worry about how I am going to feel after it's all done n terms of his pain management and the shock of it all. The doctor says it wont look right at first but that over months it will heal'beautifully'.So with no other choice than to have the surgery done in November, I am once again finding myself holding my breath, praying non stop and just being a mom that is worried about her little man. I could only find one link that had images of the surgery he will get (it just made me cringe to be honest). (i do plan to take my own for my own purposes before/after it is done if god forbid something does go wrong).

I do feel confident that it is being done at UNC and the urologist has been one for a long time and is a professor there - so it's at least comforting on that level.of all things, why the penis? i am thankful it's nothing more serious of course, but again, i am a mom, this is new to me and i am entitled to worry. Thanks for letting me vent:)